Tired
Tired. That is what the start of this year has been. Tired. For good reasons. For other reasons I would not put in the ‘good’ category.
The new year started off with friends. Exactly how I would want to ring in the new year. Fireworks everywhere. Texans do everything big. We spent New Years Day with friends-eating, laughing, swimming (the pool was heated), and ended the night dancing.
Both the boys have been in sports so the endless drives back and forth is how I seem to spend most of my evenings. These are the days that bring exhaustion. But, I would not have it any other way. Watching my boys do what they love brings me so much joy. We are blessed to be able to have them participate in the activities they love. So, I will take the tired nights because one day, I won’t have this.
Max finished his basketball season and we were so proud of how he played. It was his first time on a basketball court and he was definitely the star. He found another love besides football so we are currently getting him signed up for the next season with a new team. The boy is so dedicated and has some sort of ball in his hand at all times…that is if the video game controller is not in it:)
Roman has been playing flag football. The season has been harder than we expected and not as fun as we hoped. Through it all he is learning to push through and even when things don’t go the way they are planned, we show up anyway. He has been the QB and is doing great. He is very hard on himself so the frustration comes out.
Both the boys are currently in some personal training. They work on strength, speed, agility, and some football skills. Their Coach is amazing and pushes them beyond what they thought they could do. Christ, Confidence, and Coachable are the 3C’s that the training is based upon. When we have these 3 C’s, anything is possible.
Roman turned 14 in January and is growing up over night. He is now a young man and watching him mature into his own brings a smile to my face. He has taken on a new hobby of fishing. Those lures, worms, tackle boxes can be seen all around the house. He knows all the fishing spots in town. Giving him some more freedom and watching him soar is so bitter sweet. He needs me only sometimes but most of the time…he does not. This makes me proud that I raised a boy who is confident and can go out on his own but sad that my little boy is no longer little. I only have 4 short years left before he is probably out of the house pursuing his next chapter in life.
Max turned 10 in February. The big 2 digits on 2/22/22, which also happened to be a Tuesday. We celebrated as a family and over the weekend he went to a trampoline park with friends followed by a sleepover. He is also not so little. However, he still loves his snuggles with mom (when friends are not around) although he will still hug me when I get home from work each day. He is also maturing and has a very different approach to life than his brother. He is so confident and can let things go much faster and easier. As active as he is, he is very laid back and can go with the flow.
My birthday and Valentines Day once again kind of get smooshed together. It was a great week though because my parents were in town. This was their first visit since we have moved her. We shopped, ate, went to an interactive aquarium, took a trip to Tyler to see more family, and watched the Olympics. I got some good home cooked meals from Mom and Dad still got me surprises while here. Surprises from Dad is something you would only understand if you are apart of our family. A tradition I will also keep and pass down to my boys. I miss them so much and look forward to when we can be together again.
The weekend after they left, my brother and sister in law came to town for a weekend. They were able to catch one of Max’s basketball games and we were able to go out with them one night at a local brewery. Family is so important. Being that we do not live near family, it is important to make the time you have with them memorable. I love that they travel and always make our house a priority to visit.
Teaching. Yes, I am still teaching. Teaching these days is no joke. Unless you are in it, you would never understand. We are just surviving. But we are teachers so we keep getting up and doing what we do. I honestly don’t know how long I’ll last but I can’t think about that. Right now, it is a daily task and I can only take one day at a time. Like anything in my life, this is where I am suppose to be. I may not like it at times but I know what I do is making a difference with someone. I may not see it now but one day I might see how I made a difference.
The world continues to spin out of control. The news is always bleak. I want to believe there is still so much good but I am not sure anymore. Good seems so rare. It’s like a past memory of times gone by. Keeping the faith and seeing things through a positive outlook is getting harder and harder.
I wrote a post on Facebook the other day. Simply because I wanted my voice to be heard. I know someone out there feels the same way I do. We are not alone. This is what I wrote.
‘My soul is very heavy tonight. Watching what is happening in the world…overwhelming. I don’t know how to take it in myself, let alone try to navigate it with kids. No dinner conversation with your kids should ever be about what might happen if the war continues. But here we are doing it. I should be thankful and have no complaints. War is not at my door (at least not yet). My heart aches for the innocent. I feel guilty. Guilty that my bad day doesn’t compare to their bad day…so who am I to complain?
But, I’m not complaining. I'm just tired. Tired of giving it ALL. Tired of sitting in cold, rainy weather for hours so they can do what they love to have them just walk away. Tired of being their biggest cheerleader but they still give you the attitude. Tired of being there for them but they don’t seem to need you right now.
We are all fighting some kind of war right now. My war doesn’t come close to some others but some days are just overwhelming. But I will continue again tomorrow being tired, because being tired means I have a very important purpose that is just not completed yet.
Despite all the heaviness I feel, someone else is feeling even greater heaviness. So no matter what war you are facing, know that someone is in it with you. We are not alone. We continue to fight for what matters even if it seems like an impossible task. War of any kind is heavy. A heaviness that can not be escaped. One we shouldn’t have to feel yet will. I hate war. Yet I will continue to fight.’
Life is hard. My life is hard. Not as hard as others. I’m tired. Not as tired as others.
All we can do is keep going. We find our purpose and pursue it hard. This is my purpose. Exactly what I’m doing now. Being a mom. Being a cheerleader. Being tired. One day my purpose will change. Until then, I keep being tired because being tired means I still have a purpose.
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